I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
