I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
