a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
