hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
