why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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