remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
