If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
