Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
