Whod you bang
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
