There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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