I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
