why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
