the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize