please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dick very happy bro
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
