Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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