i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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