I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
