so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
