I hate all girls vehemently.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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