I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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