He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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