I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
