Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
