cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
