You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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