I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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