I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
3 2 1 whiskey
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
