also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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