What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
