I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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