My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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