i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
