when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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