Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
