I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
