He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
