I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
