dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
