I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
