This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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