I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
