Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Quick, to the slutcave!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Couch. On fire.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
