I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize