He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
