Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
