Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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