Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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