Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
