We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
