dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
