i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize