My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize