I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Four minutes until I can fart!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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