So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
