I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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