His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
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