You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
