how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
