is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize