Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
