also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
