i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
