I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
