Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize