You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize