she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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